6th February
What defines your life? Think about that for a minute, what makes you, you? I have been thinking about this a lot. I have spent my life trying to define myself with objects. I have everything a person needs. I have original artworks in every room, I have a chesterfield 3 piece suite in the TV room, I also have a large flat screen TV with surround sound, a super fast PC, another 3 piece suite and matching futon bed in the reading room, a pearl export 25 anniversary drum kit, two sound systems, PS2, 3cars, a bespoke kitchen, a library, master suite with ensuite wet room etc etc etc. The list could go on and on and on. The strangest thing is none of them are me. They don’t define me, they are all equally part of me, but none of them are me.
They reflect who I am, or at east I would hope they do, many an hour has been spent choosing the right artworks, or the right TV etc. But they show a part of me that I want people to see, almost like an actor on stage. Each piece tunes his performance towards perfection, like essential props on the grand stage of life.
So what makes me, me? Is it my ability to love another? Is it my quick thinking highly advanced brain? Is it my soul or sub conscious? Again the answer is no. Not one of thee things defines who I am. Sure they all make up me and without one I would be a different person, but none of them are me. In short, I have come to a stumbling block; I don’t know who I am. I am many things to many people, I am a father, a lover, a carer, a friend and confidant and an enemy.
The question is who am I to me? Am I the Master, the father or the carer? In truth I am none of these, they are just roles I adopt for different people. I would like to believe I am the warrior that I strive to be so badly, but in truth, that is just another role I play.
I believe that if I can truly find out who I am, then I will truly find peace. I seek that knowledge now more today than ever in my life.
As I sit so still and quiet and the dragons watch over me from their perches on shelves and windows, I realise that at the moment, what I truly am, is afraid, scared, lonely, desperate, isolated and evil.
I say evil because that is what occupies my thoughts and soul at the moment. It is, as if, my whole world is black and my blackness spreads over into other peoples worlds. I cast a shadow onto them by contact alone. I have seen wise men crack and strong men fall, I have enjoyed there demise in a truly selfish way. I suppose what scares me now is that this time, it is me cracking and falling.
I leave you now with this question;
Who are you?
More importantly, who am I?
They reflect who I am, or at east I would hope they do, many an hour has been spent choosing the right artworks, or the right TV etc. But they show a part of me that I want people to see, almost like an actor on stage. Each piece tunes his performance towards perfection, like essential props on the grand stage of life.
So what makes me, me? Is it my ability to love another? Is it my quick thinking highly advanced brain? Is it my soul or sub conscious? Again the answer is no. Not one of thee things defines who I am. Sure they all make up me and without one I would be a different person, but none of them are me. In short, I have come to a stumbling block; I don’t know who I am. I am many things to many people, I am a father, a lover, a carer, a friend and confidant and an enemy.
The question is who am I to me? Am I the Master, the father or the carer? In truth I am none of these, they are just roles I adopt for different people. I would like to believe I am the warrior that I strive to be so badly, but in truth, that is just another role I play.
I believe that if I can truly find out who I am, then I will truly find peace. I seek that knowledge now more today than ever in my life.
As I sit so still and quiet and the dragons watch over me from their perches on shelves and windows, I realise that at the moment, what I truly am, is afraid, scared, lonely, desperate, isolated and evil.
I say evil because that is what occupies my thoughts and soul at the moment. It is, as if, my whole world is black and my blackness spreads over into other peoples worlds. I cast a shadow onto them by contact alone. I have seen wise men crack and strong men fall, I have enjoyed there demise in a truly selfish way. I suppose what scares me now is that this time, it is me cracking and falling.
I leave you now with this question;
Who are you?
More importantly, who am I?
posted by GreenCastle at 11:57
1 Comments:
Great site lots of usefull infomation here.
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