September 16th
Finally a few minutes to compose my thoughts and sit down and try to write something. Firstly it is 10:40 am, I have allready been to Leeds and back today for a Dental Hygenists appointment, unfortunately the blokey didnt turn up so a wasted journey, however it has left me with some time factored into my day!!!!!
Work is in turmoil at the moment, far too much to do and not enough time to get it all sorted and arranged, I have network instals to do as well as repairs and services!!! I will get into it over the weekend I think and work on it from there. Also on Monday I start back at university, which I am and am not looking forward too, still it will give me something to do, like I dont have enough on at the moment.
The hypnotherapy I had at the begining of the week, or was it last week? I cant remember, seems to have eased the pain a bit, or maybe that is just wishful thinking, either way I am still in pain, but it is not as bad.
The company that supplies my pc bits is talking to me at the moment about merging and becoming one slightly bigger company offering everything all under one roof, it is a possibility. Tho I kinda like being my own boss and doing what I want, when I want. Time will tell I guess.
My brothers wedding is next weekend and it does not look like I am going to make it down for it, this is a shame as he is a good bloke and the girl he is marrying is a lovely lass, they are both kind people and are well suited. I wish them every happiness and joy in their lives together.
Father in Law is still in hospital and they are still talking about where to go next with him. He wants to come home and I do not blame him. We are trying to put all the help and support in place for him and for me and the mrs as it will be us careing for him. I am glad we are as I would not like strangers careing for him, and more to the point, he would not like it either. Yet it is another strain and stress to the allready over worked mind and body of both myself and my partner. I know I can cope with it, I have broard shoulders, yes it will be a strain and yes it will impact massively on our lives for however long it will be, but I know I can cope. I am worried about J tho, she is holding it together well at the moment, but most of it is an act. She hurts deep down inside more than I can ever imagine I think, we talk lots and hug lots and I try to be there for her, but I do not do enough, or can never seem to do enough. Both of us are operating on short fuses at the moment, which makes for an explosive relationship at home. If it was not for my mum staying with us and looking after son then all hell would have broken lose by now. Fortunately mum and J get on great together and are good friends, thin its the similairty in age, tho do not tell J I said that ;-)
So thats life, how am I? I am tired, stressed, tired, exhausted, did I mention tired? In some ways it is good, I am sleeping at the moment, but I think it is more due to physical and mental exhaustion. I do not wake refreashed, or even feeling good. Life keeps going and things keep passing me by, I had to check the dates three times this morning before I finally got it stuck in my head, this is unlike me. I have moved into the comfortably numb stage at the moment. Nothing matters, everyhting is cold and calculated. For me this is a warning sign, it is a slip and a possible step backwards in my fight against depression. I know it is here, and I can see it happening, but try as I might I am too tired to do anyhting to fight it at the moment. I am going to phone a friend for a chat, and possibly my doctor as well, just for a chat. I do not want to go back on pills, but at the moment I need to do what is best for others, not just what I feel is best for me. So that is me, tired and stressed and numb. Hope you are doing better out there.
Be well.
(PS Feel free to leave some comments, erm any comments....................)
Work is in turmoil at the moment, far too much to do and not enough time to get it all sorted and arranged, I have network instals to do as well as repairs and services!!! I will get into it over the weekend I think and work on it from there. Also on Monday I start back at university, which I am and am not looking forward too, still it will give me something to do, like I dont have enough on at the moment.
The hypnotherapy I had at the begining of the week, or was it last week? I cant remember, seems to have eased the pain a bit, or maybe that is just wishful thinking, either way I am still in pain, but it is not as bad.
The company that supplies my pc bits is talking to me at the moment about merging and becoming one slightly bigger company offering everything all under one roof, it is a possibility. Tho I kinda like being my own boss and doing what I want, when I want. Time will tell I guess.
My brothers wedding is next weekend and it does not look like I am going to make it down for it, this is a shame as he is a good bloke and the girl he is marrying is a lovely lass, they are both kind people and are well suited. I wish them every happiness and joy in their lives together.
Father in Law is still in hospital and they are still talking about where to go next with him. He wants to come home and I do not blame him. We are trying to put all the help and support in place for him and for me and the mrs as it will be us careing for him. I am glad we are as I would not like strangers careing for him, and more to the point, he would not like it either. Yet it is another strain and stress to the allready over worked mind and body of both myself and my partner. I know I can cope with it, I have broard shoulders, yes it will be a strain and yes it will impact massively on our lives for however long it will be, but I know I can cope. I am worried about J tho, she is holding it together well at the moment, but most of it is an act. She hurts deep down inside more than I can ever imagine I think, we talk lots and hug lots and I try to be there for her, but I do not do enough, or can never seem to do enough. Both of us are operating on short fuses at the moment, which makes for an explosive relationship at home. If it was not for my mum staying with us and looking after son then all hell would have broken lose by now. Fortunately mum and J get on great together and are good friends, thin its the similairty in age, tho do not tell J I said that ;-)
So thats life, how am I? I am tired, stressed, tired, exhausted, did I mention tired? In some ways it is good, I am sleeping at the moment, but I think it is more due to physical and mental exhaustion. I do not wake refreashed, or even feeling good. Life keeps going and things keep passing me by, I had to check the dates three times this morning before I finally got it stuck in my head, this is unlike me. I have moved into the comfortably numb stage at the moment. Nothing matters, everyhting is cold and calculated. For me this is a warning sign, it is a slip and a possible step backwards in my fight against depression. I know it is here, and I can see it happening, but try as I might I am too tired to do anyhting to fight it at the moment. I am going to phone a friend for a chat, and possibly my doctor as well, just for a chat. I do not want to go back on pills, but at the moment I need to do what is best for others, not just what I feel is best for me. So that is me, tired and stressed and numb. Hope you are doing better out there.
Be well.
(PS Feel free to leave some comments, erm any comments....................)
posted by GreenCastle at 10:39
2 Comments:
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Interesting website with a lot of resources and detailed explanations.
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