6th September

Well, what a difference a day can make. I am still good :) Well I am ok, but I am trying to be positive. Tonight my father In Law is being rushed into hospital, pretty much as we speak. They have finally decided it is time to see if they can help him out there, basically he is to weak to go through any more treatment and he hasnt been eating for 4 weeks now either as he is constantly being sick.
I was sat with him the other day, listening to the clocks ticking, the ever present reminder of time running out, and watching him breath. He is a great man, one of the unsung heros. I just wish this last bit would be quick, as much for him (as he hates being reliant on others) as for ourselves. Although I dont want him to go, I would rather he went peacefully than die a long and lingering death. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be the nature of the beast as far as prostrate cancer goes. My 8 year old is trying to come to terms with the fact that his Grandad might well die soon, it is not easy on him, part of me wishs he had not been told, the other part is glad he has been. The tears are less frequent now, but still they come from time to time. He has a childs naievety about death, and I envy him that I think.
I have spent most of today sat at hospitals, waiting, or in the park with boy. Both times watching people, trying to read them. Noticing the differences between those frolicing in the sunlight and those sat in the flourescent strip light halls of the hospital. The main difference is hope, the hospital seems to leach it out of you, as if the very walls could suck it away. Every breath a little more dissapears. Watching the patients coming in for chemo and radiotherapy, the look in their eyes, the acceptance of it all. The children are the worst, how unfair.

Still, life goes on I guess.

Hope you are all well.