May 10th

So, Where do we go from here?

Its been a while since I blogged, I have been away for a few days this last week. We went up to the lake district as a surprise for Judes birthday and because we needed the break. The time away was great, we relaxed, went to our favourite hotel and restaurants and just generally did nothing but read, have spas and eat lots of very rich food.

One of the reasons we went was to escape a growing cloud of darkness and depression that has envaded our lives over the last week. On top of having our car stolen and recovered (all though a right off and it wasnt insured as it was off road and for sale) the other car failing its MOT with about a £1000 of work to be done on it. Our health has deterioated as well, Judes has to have an MRI scan on her head as they think she has a slow growing benign tumour on her auditory nerves and as such she is going deaf, she has also been refered to an orthopeadic specialist as reagrds her frozen shoulder as she hasnt responded to treatment. I have been refered to a specialist as well as regards my back and need an MRI scan and xrays as well as the possibility of having my back operated on. On top of all that Judes father has a problem with his lymphatic system and as he allready has secondry cancer the outlook isnt good. So thats us in a nutshell. Falling apart and feeling down in the dumps.

We are back now, the brief break recharging what little remains of our batteries. I think about the exams and work I still have to finish for university, with the deadlines looming now. I also think about the upcoming appointment next week with a psychiatrist and wonder about what will happen. I suppose I am nervous and a little overwhelmed by everything to be fair, infact downright frightend would proberly be a better way of putting it. Still I keep smiling and laughing and try to look like i am not in pain for Judes sake as much as anything else.

I have to run, but will catch up again tomorrow.