April 28th 14:25
I write this blog today with a sad heart, the last couple of days have been really tough. I am not the most financially solvent person around, what with being a student, and my partner only working part time. We were selling a car to pay for a holiday to the states, this car has now been stolen and it is not insured so it has gone................... just like that. This information came to me this morning after a paticularly honest and painful counselling session. I opened up to my counsellor a little, well a lot really, more than I have ever done. It left me scaired, vunerable, emotional. Still it is only 14:30, theres a whole lot of day left today for more to go wrong. I have given up looking for the good in the situations anymore, and have just decided that everything will go wrong so might as well prepare for it.
Yesterday, another great day. I was doing so well up to now, positive thoughts, positive energy. Generally all good stuff. I belong to an organization that I am proud of, a benevolent community who do lots of good. I have belonged to this organisation for 8 years, and my father and grandfather and great grandfather before me have also spent years with this group. I have been recieving treatment for my back privately, in the form of physiotherapy, which it has to be said aint cheap. It has got to the point now, where i can not afford it anymore. I approached this group and asked for help. I have only ever asked for help once before from this group, I was turned down by them as they dont 'deal' with psychological problems. I felt positive that this time they would help me. I was turned down again. They dont deal with physio either apparently. Well, this hurt, infact I plunged so deep I reached for the razor. I wrote a letter to say goodbye to my friends and family and I sat there working out how to end it all.
Obviously as I am writing this, I didnt. I think yesterday has to be the lowest point I have ever reached. I am disillusioned with life, with friends and with whatever higher power you choose to believe in. I am going to resign from the group I belong to, and will let them know why. This will acchieve absolutely nothing, but maybe someone will take it onboard and it may help someone else in the future. To be fair I am amazed at these benevolent people allowing such suffering amongst one of their own ranks, just goes to show that maybe beliefs in something can be wrong. I think I was more shocked by there refusal to help someone with a psychological problem, bearing in mind that the WHO (World Health Organisation) lists depression now as one of the most likely cause of premature death and morbidity and likely to become the highest cause within the next 5 years.
I dont know what to do anymore.
I have to go, I will blog again soon.
Yesterday, another great day. I was doing so well up to now, positive thoughts, positive energy. Generally all good stuff. I belong to an organization that I am proud of, a benevolent community who do lots of good. I have belonged to this organisation for 8 years, and my father and grandfather and great grandfather before me have also spent years with this group. I have been recieving treatment for my back privately, in the form of physiotherapy, which it has to be said aint cheap. It has got to the point now, where i can not afford it anymore. I approached this group and asked for help. I have only ever asked for help once before from this group, I was turned down by them as they dont 'deal' with psychological problems. I felt positive that this time they would help me. I was turned down again. They dont deal with physio either apparently. Well, this hurt, infact I plunged so deep I reached for the razor. I wrote a letter to say goodbye to my friends and family and I sat there working out how to end it all.
Obviously as I am writing this, I didnt. I think yesterday has to be the lowest point I have ever reached. I am disillusioned with life, with friends and with whatever higher power you choose to believe in. I am going to resign from the group I belong to, and will let them know why. This will acchieve absolutely nothing, but maybe someone will take it onboard and it may help someone else in the future. To be fair I am amazed at these benevolent people allowing such suffering amongst one of their own ranks, just goes to show that maybe beliefs in something can be wrong. I think I was more shocked by there refusal to help someone with a psychological problem, bearing in mind that the WHO (World Health Organisation) lists depression now as one of the most likely cause of premature death and morbidity and likely to become the highest cause within the next 5 years.
I dont know what to do anymore.
I have to go, I will blog again soon.
posted by GreenCastle at 14:24
1 Comments:
hmmm, that sounds like the sort of hypocrisy which i constantly run up against in far too many church/ charity/ public sector organisations. They'll go to the ends of the earth to fight for a client's right or cause, and do nothing for their own staff/ volunteers. Very much the 'them out there' mentality.
It's bloody depressing and has driven me to some all time lows - I hope you can find somewhere out there that will step in tho, even in hte unlikeliest of places.
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