March 30th
Everyone tells me I need help, yet when I reach for it, its never there. I'm in a bad way today, I cut again this morning. I am thinking that I need help. I phone a person who I hope will become my counselor, he isn't there, which is fair enough he is probably out helping someone. I phone my Dr, she is great, if I cant talked to her then at least I can make an appointment, something to aim towards for the next day or so.
The secretary tells me she is out, fairenough, Can I make an appointment please?, no sorry there are no appointments available. I try to explain my situation, becoming more panicky and making less sense as the conversation continues. She reiterates, no appointments, call back on Friday. Man I really hope she never has to experience what I felt then. Despair? Hopelessness? Loss? And then anger.
Today we had a bloke come round from the council and go through all our bank accounts and earnings and bits. The reason for this is because we have applied for housing benefit. I am not working, and Judes only works part time and we have an autistic son. Some help would be appreciated. He was a nice bloke, although it did feel like an intrusion into our lives, it almost sounded like we was lieing just to get money to keep the roof over our head. Later on in the afternoon we had a house inspection by th letting agent, again more intrusion and more pain.
I hate living in rented property, almost as much as I hate being ill. If we want to do anything it has to be summited to our landlord, then wait for a reply to see if they are acceptable. Still the benefits are we don't have to undertake any major repairs, and we get to live in a house and an area we couldn't otherwise afford.
I find myself sitting in what is becoming my favourite room in the house, its quiet and restful. As I look across the room I can see the incense hanging in the air, swirling gently, ever changing, never resting. My thoughts are like that, racing through different subjects, never resting. One of my biggest choices at the moment is shelving, I want to extend the shelving in my favourite space, as I have loads of books on the floor. The question is, do I build them in and make a desk and reading area, or do I just put up shelves.
Tough Decision huh?
The secretary tells me she is out, fairenough, Can I make an appointment please?, no sorry there are no appointments available. I try to explain my situation, becoming more panicky and making less sense as the conversation continues. She reiterates, no appointments, call back on Friday. Man I really hope she never has to experience what I felt then. Despair? Hopelessness? Loss? And then anger.
Today we had a bloke come round from the council and go through all our bank accounts and earnings and bits. The reason for this is because we have applied for housing benefit. I am not working, and Judes only works part time and we have an autistic son. Some help would be appreciated. He was a nice bloke, although it did feel like an intrusion into our lives, it almost sounded like we was lieing just to get money to keep the roof over our head. Later on in the afternoon we had a house inspection by th letting agent, again more intrusion and more pain.
I hate living in rented property, almost as much as I hate being ill. If we want to do anything it has to be summited to our landlord, then wait for a reply to see if they are acceptable. Still the benefits are we don't have to undertake any major repairs, and we get to live in a house and an area we couldn't otherwise afford.
I find myself sitting in what is becoming my favourite room in the house, its quiet and restful. As I look across the room I can see the incense hanging in the air, swirling gently, ever changing, never resting. My thoughts are like that, racing through different subjects, never resting. One of my biggest choices at the moment is shelving, I want to extend the shelving in my favourite space, as I have loads of books on the floor. The question is, do I build them in and make a desk and reading area, or do I just put up shelves.
Tough Decision huh?
posted by GreenCastle at 13:13
3 Comments:
i better see you in the room today, and i also need your phone number..... it will be ok, you are not crazy and i have some insight to how you are feeling right now...would love to talk to you about it...
luv...janea
I'm impressed with your site, very nice graphics!
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Hmm I love the idea behind this website, very unique.
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