May 9th

Still stressed, infact now more than ever. Sheeeeeeeesh. Stopped smoking 24 hours ago, or maybe it is now more like 29. It has been fun. Judes stopped too, today we have spent most of it snapping at each other. I have been impossible to live with, my rage bubbles away beneath the surface like a hungry ogre ready to pounce, I have not felt like this in a long while now. It is not just the smoking, yes it aint easy giving up, but it has to be much more than that.
I want to cut, I want to hurt others as well, I want to pound people into the ground. Make them realise what pain is, what suffering could feel like. I want to do all this, but I wont. Well I may cut, I may bleed. I wont hurt others, not because I cant, or because I am afraid to, but because there is no need to. Others know what suffering is like, its just at the moment thats how I feel.