July 18th
Its no longer HOT!!!!!!!!!! Wahooooooo, LOL. Infact it is raining heavily. Still that's an English summer for you I guess. Sold one of our cars today, its a strange feeling, I did not think I liked the car overly, but now its gone, I think I am going to miss it. Still, onwards and upwards.
I don't know where I am at the moment, all the days seem to blur into one long never ending hour. I am not sleeping, insomnia is like an old friend returning, I have dealt with it for years, but recently it has been different, I am not sure why. I am still having bad dreams, tho they are not as frequent as they have been in the past. I am still not taking my tablets, I cant even remember how long it has been now, 3 weeks maybe. I am ok in myself, although the last few days have been hard and I have had some lows, but I am still fighting.
Business is business, and it keeps moving in an almost satisfactory direction. We have some celebrity endorsements, and bits happening, but it all seems to take for ever. I cry a lot now.
Things on television make me cry, people being beautiful and humane make me cry, no one ever sees me cry, but I cry now more than ever before in my life I think. People say it is a release, and it helps to cry, for me it is just an emotional response, like my body is full of emotion and crying lets them escape. It is better crying than becoming aggressive. I don't feel great about it, and I don't feel that much better after crying, infact part of me is finding it hard to write about it, I am a big lad and used to have a reputation for being, erm well hard I guess. I never thought I would end up sobbing like a baby over something stupid.
On the positive side, my moods seem to be leveling off, so I am hoping that my body has got used to the lack of antidepressants and mood surpressors. I am not looking forward to seeing my Dr or my Psychiatrist, they will no doubt go nuts, still, I am feeling better in myself for not taking them.
I am reading a lot more these days as well, I used to be such a vivacious reader, then it trailed off, but now I am back to it. Of course I have the new HP book, and it is ok, I have read all of Garth Nix work and Philip Pullmans Dark materials trilogy. I have also read Darren Shaws books and re read a couple of favorites, James Frey's A million Little pieces, Linda cain's out of the dark and Plato's Republic. If anyone has some spare time then Frey is definitely the one to read.
I have started trying to meditate again and it is difficult, I used to meditate all the time, but these days cant relax or concentrate enough, still I will keep trying until it comes.
I hope this finds you all well.
I don't know where I am at the moment, all the days seem to blur into one long never ending hour. I am not sleeping, insomnia is like an old friend returning, I have dealt with it for years, but recently it has been different, I am not sure why. I am still having bad dreams, tho they are not as frequent as they have been in the past. I am still not taking my tablets, I cant even remember how long it has been now, 3 weeks maybe. I am ok in myself, although the last few days have been hard and I have had some lows, but I am still fighting.
Business is business, and it keeps moving in an almost satisfactory direction. We have some celebrity endorsements, and bits happening, but it all seems to take for ever. I cry a lot now.
Things on television make me cry, people being beautiful and humane make me cry, no one ever sees me cry, but I cry now more than ever before in my life I think. People say it is a release, and it helps to cry, for me it is just an emotional response, like my body is full of emotion and crying lets them escape. It is better crying than becoming aggressive. I don't feel great about it, and I don't feel that much better after crying, infact part of me is finding it hard to write about it, I am a big lad and used to have a reputation for being, erm well hard I guess. I never thought I would end up sobbing like a baby over something stupid.
On the positive side, my moods seem to be leveling off, so I am hoping that my body has got used to the lack of antidepressants and mood surpressors. I am not looking forward to seeing my Dr or my Psychiatrist, they will no doubt go nuts, still, I am feeling better in myself for not taking them.
I am reading a lot more these days as well, I used to be such a vivacious reader, then it trailed off, but now I am back to it. Of course I have the new HP book, and it is ok, I have read all of Garth Nix work and Philip Pullmans Dark materials trilogy. I have also read Darren Shaws books and re read a couple of favorites, James Frey's A million Little pieces, Linda cain's out of the dark and Plato's Republic. If anyone has some spare time then Frey is definitely the one to read.
I have started trying to meditate again and it is difficult, I used to meditate all the time, but these days cant relax or concentrate enough, still I will keep trying until it comes.
I hope this finds you all well.
posted by GreenCastle at 14:47
3 Comments:
Reading helps my depression ..i like to have my thoughts go anywhere except my depression.. there is no control over the mood thoughts without focus on something but the reading, that has control.
Good luck today
Nice colors. Keep up the good work. thnx!
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