Sunday night... and all is not well
Having spent my life on ups and downs...I know the warning signs... tonight a massive one went off like a flashbulb in front of my face... in fact they have been going off subtly for over a month... but tonight's was a biggy...
It stems from a friend.. I allowed myself to get hurt once again... its not her fault and its not mine.. but hurt all the same.. I knew it was coming.. yet I still had to make sure that door was slammed on my face... so here I am in pain... once again... the world spiralling once again.... the darkness swallowing my life...
OK lets be rational its not just because of said friend... its just that's the freshest and most painful for now... there has lots of things been going on, divorce, work, accommodation etc... I allowed something to distract me and to help me through it... especially with the op and my health as it is... I should have known better... because when it went wrong, I had done it again and put all my eggs in one basket as far as coping mechanisms go.... and whoosh......... there they went...
Smiles, for once it doesn't scare me.... and that is what scares me... I am not frightened.... just accepting....
It stems from a friend.. I allowed myself to get hurt once again... its not her fault and its not mine.. but hurt all the same.. I knew it was coming.. yet I still had to make sure that door was slammed on my face... so here I am in pain... once again... the world spiralling once again.... the darkness swallowing my life...
OK lets be rational its not just because of said friend... its just that's the freshest and most painful for now... there has lots of things been going on, divorce, work, accommodation etc... I allowed something to distract me and to help me through it... especially with the op and my health as it is... I should have known better... because when it went wrong, I had done it again and put all my eggs in one basket as far as coping mechanisms go.... and whoosh......... there they went...
Smiles, for once it doesn't scare me.... and that is what scares me... I am not frightened.... just accepting....
posted by GreenCastle at 21:47
1 Comments:
May 8th 2006 I left you this
"hey we always seem to miss each other so just thought I would pop in and say hi things are ok and as always thinking of you my dear friend
ellers
xx"
Hmm guess we both missed a lot, but like i say on a regular basis remember how far you have come and what you have achieved, you are a very wonderful person
am
x
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